When I was in Beijing I had an foreign boyfriend. One day he invited me for dinner and paid the bill. For most of Chinese ladies, we take this for granted. But when we left the restaurant, he was complaining about why I didn't say thank you to him?

What? I mean, wan't it sth you should do?

As Chinese couple, we may feel weird if our girlfriends or boyfriends are too gentle, which even happens between close friends, isn't it? We want something more practical rather than formalistic stuff.

But, I am talking about people from different cultures. Is that the point? Nothing goes wrong with both sides actually. It is all about respect and tolerance. You always find people different even under the same cutural background. 

My experience tells that try to avoid to ascribe disputes to culture. Let our mind work beyound the confines of region, race and religion. Listen with our ears, seeing with our eyes, feel with our hearts, we will tell the kindness from the hostility, we may consider to explain, to communicate and to respect rather than to get offended. Do you agree?

以前在北京念书时曾经交了一位外籍男友。一天他邀请我共进晚餐并替我付了帐。这对于多数中国女孩儿而言大概是再正常不过的事情了。可就在我们离开餐馆的时候，他向我抱怨，你为什么没有对我说谢谢？

什么？我没有听错吧？这不是你应该做的么？

对于中国的情侣而言，倘若自己的男/女朋友过于客套，我们会觉得很不自在。这事儿就算发生在死党之间，也是很奇怪的，不是么？我们应该来点儿实在的，别搞形式主义好不好。

可是，我正在谈论两种不同的文化。这是问题的关键所在吗？其实双方都没有错，全要看大家是否能够尊重和宽容对方。其实，即便是生活在同一文化背景中的人们，也是脾性各异。

经验告诉我尽量试图避免把问题归咎于文化。让我们跳出地域，种族和宗教的种种限制，自己去看，去听，去感受，这样就一定能够区分善意与恶意。也只有这样我们才不会时常觉得被冒犯，而是静下心来去解释，去交流，去学会尊重。你说是吗？